Yup.

PICTURES

New picture.

Yep.

Art.

New art, by the way. Just in case someone like Fabio Valle or Ben Caldwell creeps onto here.

Rant.

        I don't quite understand why people think that introverts are strange creatures. People treat them like they just don't fit in. They just aren't extroverts, and now that society is so focused on creating a world of social butterflies, the shy and the introverted are left behind. So what if parties are nightmares to them? Libraries are pretty cool. So what if they hate socializing? Is it like it matters much as long as you can say what you need to? So long as you can speak to co-workers and superiors, life will be fine. But NOOOoooO. That's wrong.
        DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE LITTLE "HOW TO CARE FOR YOUR INTROVERT" THINGS. Some points are true, but introverts can handle themselves. Just freaking look up the tendencies of introverts and socially anxious people and shy people. NOT SOME STUPID LITTLE PICTURE YOU FIND ON FACEBOOK OR INSTAGRAM OR SOMETHING STUPID.
        People are idiots.
        Real talk here. Let's be honest. No one who may read this blog gives a crap about my personal life, so let's keep this to rants, stories, and pictures. I don't think I even care enough to write about my personal life, so great. Glad that's established. Maybe one day I'll become a famous internet blog and everyone will be like "WHoooO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS WOMAAANNNNNNNNNN" and they won't know.
         It's the perfect crime.

Doctor Who Theory

       It's been a while. Not too much has happened in the past while and a half, but enough to write a few sentences down. My cousin (Nate Cashkiller) asked me to be in a fashion show for Paul Mitchell the School called "Pantheon," so that's what I'll be doing this weekend. The show is based off of Greek mythology (such as the title suggests) and he wants me to be Demeter, goddess of the harvest. Although the 5-inch wedge platform shoe jetpack things are difficult to walk in, I think I'll make it to Sunday.
       I just got off of amazon.com and I placed an order for the most adorable bear case thing for my iPod. I'm pretty excited to get it- I've always enjoyed being able to find things I like in the comfort of my home while wearing my give-up-on-life pants (sweatpants).
       Of late, I've been trying out a new sketching style, so be prepared for some new sketches to come online. I'm rather proud of them. I only hope you'll like them as much as hobbits love second breakfast.
        I wonder who the new doctor is going to be. I am a bit of a Hiddlestoner, so I'm hoping it'll be Tom Hiddleston. I guess the bigger question that I have on my mind is why is the doctor getting younger and younger? I mean, the first one was old as dirt. Now Matt Smith, a beautiful 30 year old man, is playing the doctor (to be quite honest, he looks more like 26, which only proves my point further). Is it part of the story? Is it just because they want to cater to adolescent males and females more? Or is it simply because the best actors were among the youngest people? Here's a theory- y'know how doctors 1-8 were all the doctor for a large amount of time (Tom Baker being the doctor the longest period of time)? Well, maybe since he doesn't regenerate as often, his body is given time to age and deteriorate. All of the younger doctors have only been on for a shorter amount of time (the 9th doctor being the shortest, much to my lament and displeasure). Maybe it's just not giving the bodies a long enough time to really age.
         Well anyways, that's my little Doctor Who theory of the day. Let's move on. In the span of writing this blog post, I looked up trending topics to maybe see what was really good to share my opinion on. I have to say that I have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know any of the trending topics of today and that's probably not a very good thing. It might be because I read a lot and end up just watching Mythbusters and Teen Titans GO! every freaking day (well, that or painting/sketching). Maybe I should start talking to more people. Maybe I need to begin to come out of my shell.



                                                           Naaaah. I've got the internet.
       
          I think it's time for me to sleep. It's 12.54 AM right now and I have a long day ahead of me, so I suppose this is an awkward way of signing off.



                                                                   Okaygoodnightbye.

Noodles?

So again, I find myself sitting in my bedroom, just thinking.
It's been quite a while since I wrote on here.
        School has been interesting. Certainly not freaking amazing, but not too bad, either. I want to write something of some sort of significance, but I can't really think of anything.
       
I just wanna sleep and yet I want to eat noodles at the same time.
I'm in a pickle right now. >____<

English happiness.

         I don't know exactly what I should write. It's been awhile (again) since I wrote here, and I've been writing more poems and basically just venting to no one else but a handful of friends/family and God. I feel a lot happier than what I did before, it's quite wonderful. I never really noticed how angry I had been getting at basically every person I love. But (surprisingly enough) as time has gone on, I've noticed this, and I need a better way to express how I feel.
         We had been doing different ways to write poems in English, and these are the ones I wrote (I know, they might not be the best, but hey- they were fun to write):

Running away from reality,
hide my tears in the rain and release all my troubles,
running away from life for a little while-
it hurts to stay inside my mind for too long,
take stress off my sore and aching heart,
trees heaving long, moaning breaths
in the bitter winds of December,
leaving my life,
happiness stays forever in place of stress and pain.

Resilient in the fave of evil acts,
families in your heart,
I awakened with heaviness,
put on a brave face,
send their kids off-
Disturbed I was
throughout the day,
we cannot tolerate this anymore;
neither can we live in fear.
To be resilient,
I calmed down,
focus againg,
we needed to be strong,
needed to come together,
carry on best we could-
resilience,
not living in fear-
there isn't enough to make sense of what has happened,
we can make it through the storm,
time to come together,
one love.

        I really only wanted to just put these somewhere. I'm not exactly brave enough to read them aloud, so I figure I'd post it. :D

                                            -Yours truly. :)

I'M ALIVE!!!!

         HEY GUYS!!!!! :D It's me again! I finally returned. It's been a while. School's been keeping me VERY busy, and I didn't have time. :S But here I am again! :)
         So I followed through with my promise- the picture I did for the Relient K concert! :) I never turned it into a shirt, but I had it with me at the concert (where I met and sung and goofed off with John Warne :3) and got John, Matt (Hoopes), Ethan, and Jon to sign it! XD That was a pretty wonderful concert.
         I had also gotten really bored at a best buy, so I drew a potato an wrote a poem-
"So today's a rainy day
I don't quite know what to say
POTATO." (I'm paraphrasing, by the way)
         I've been trying to convey emotions by using the body more than the face now, so I drew a very common (sadly enough) emotion first- anger/depression. The words in the background say "Wrap your arms around me, I know, Waking up with a tear stained pillow, It's hard to understand when no one ever seems to care (hawk nelson song verses."
         I'm also thinking of writing a short story, which is found in this picture- "And when she awoke, the memory was gone."
         Sorry it's not that long of a post, guys- I do have homework to tackle. -_- Later, skater gators! XD
                      -yours truly.

Texts at 1:30.

         So just the other night, I was falling asleep (as usual) and all of a sudden, I heard a vibration from the side of my bed. In a haze, I reach over and grab my phone to check why. And again, it vibrated. AND AGAIN. I was well awake now and I saw there were 3 messages- all from Raze.
                            "Hey, I'm stalking your blog, and I've found stories about me! Like the one with the rubric with science. :) Love ya, Buddy!"
         After reading this one, I looked at the time; 1:30 A.M.
                            "Sorry, didn't realize it was so late. O.o"
         Of course, this was certainly something that Raze would do. *smirk*
                             "NIGHT! :)"
         Y'see, this is the exact situation I've never been in before. I was kinda awake, so I just replied with what I could think of to begin with.
                             "Lol, awesome! Glad youre my blag stalker, bro. Love ya too, buddy! I was wondering. *stare into space, who is texting me...* Night! :D"
                             "Haha.
                               Sorrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
                               Night! :D :D :D"
         I told him I would blog about this, so I know that this isn't exactly the most rewarding of posts but hey- it's a treat for Raze. Jeez, I talk about him like he's a dog. Nonetheless, it was an awkward conversation at nearly 2 in the morning and I honestly didn't really remember it too well until I looked through my phone again.
         Anyways, I finally finished my summer reading a week before school starts and I'm also writing an epic poem. Not epic like "EPIC" but epic as in very long. A story with the rhyming scheme of ABAB. IT'S MUCH MORE DIFFICULT THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. Ugh, I can't stop writing, but it's very hard. :S
         I have a few new pics to post later today. BRACE YOURSELF!!!!
         ......well, this was short. I don't have much to say. I'll be back later to post again!!!!!

Love y'all! <3
        

Late night skype.

         It's 2 A.M., and I am still awake here with my cousin. He's reading everything I type in a British accent (a pretty bad one, at that). *planning murder secretly >:}* So I'm pretty exhausted, I did a lot of cleaning and biking and such today. I haven't been intensely focusing on any one thing for too long, but I have noticed that no matter how hard I try, I can't focus to begin with.
         My cousin was skyping with random "fans" earlier today (at about 1-ish) and they sounded somewhat russian/french/whatever-the-heck-they-were. The weird thing was that they kept wanting to talk to ME. Yeah, some random cousin of "Nate Cashkiller." One of them kept saying "Why don't you sing with me?" and "I know you have a beautiful voice," along with "Send us a pic, Nate, of you and your cousin- she must be beautiful/cute." Here's what went through my head- "I'm glad I don't know you in real life because you sound extremely creeper-ish and why do you want to talk to me, anyways? Plus, I don't get good vibes off of you. I don't like you. Stop talking to me." Eventually, he did (thank God) and I was able to sketch in peace.
         That's about all I have to say. Next post will be of new pictures!!! :D Goodnight! Love whoever reads this idiotic thing because you read it! <3

Currently curious

         I wonder if anyone really reads this blog. I only ever have 1 or 2 comments on every post, but that may be because I never blog about controversial stuff, like politics, gay rights, global warming, blah blah blah. Quite honestly, I think it would be best for me to not say what I think about those things for one simple reason- if I say something that someone doesn't agree with, I will be shut up and shut out by those in power and despite my "inalienable rights," they'll find a loophole. If I support gay rights, I'll be hit by those that don't. If I don't support gay rights, I'll be attacked by those that do which we all know are the ones that are well known and can easily wipe me off the map. If I love Obama, I will be hit by those that have a deep hatred for him. If I strongly dislike him, I'll be in a worse position than before and I will be beaten more than anyone else on the internet just because I'm an easy target. Honestly, I don't care about global warming, it's not a pressing issue anymore, really. I think I would rather keep this blog neutral than anything else- I just wish more people would read this stupid thing.
         I do have some more updates on my life, however. I'm going to the movies with some friends and I'm pretty excited (going to see "The Dark Knight Rises" again). I've been drawing more, so I'll post some more in a few posts. I've discovered that my eyes, lips, and toes are my favorite features that (even if I were given the opportunity to) I would never change. My dog is getting way too fat. I tell my friends that everything will be fine and that everyone will stay in contact with each other, but I'm losing faith and I'm starting to doubt the comforting words I feed to the others. I like Mexican Coca-Cola better than regular Coke, but my favorite soda is Mountain Dew. I don't think I'm going to get any bigger (except sideways, maybe). I've been playing the bass more and I think I'm improving ever so slightly. I always wear a watch- I have for years and it always leaves an annoying tan line. My cousin is coming into town tonight (Wednesday night) and will be here for a few days, and then will be leaving and returning, but this time, STAYING until he can rent out his own house. I love listening to my friend(s) play the guitar- it makes me really happy, for some odd reason. I enjoy lightly colored eyes. Don't know what it is about them, but they're just so beautiful in their colder colors.
         I don't have much else to say. I just kinda wanted to say some stuff that was on my mind.
         

I need to go to bed.

         I'm not really sure what to write here this time. I'm going to a Relient K concert this August and I've designed a shirt to wear. It's pretty cool looking, I'll include it on the next post. I've already gotten my tickets in the mail and I will be fan-girling for the next month. Pretty excited!!!!
         I've been pouring over old books and yearbooks lately and I'm surprised by how many nice, heartfelt comments I've received. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to put myself down or anything, I'm just so surprised. I think it's really sweet, but it's just so funny to me. :)
         This is kind of a pointless post, so just bear with me, people. It's almost 2 in the morning and I'm just lying down in bed typing. I have all my Beatles posters looking at me (here's to you, George) and I have my calender hanging on the wall, full of social events. I got my teddy bears here next to me (my 10 year old teddy bear, Mr. Davey-my favorite). I've got a bunch of old artwork and awards for academics and choir hanging on my walls, and I've got heavy eyelids that long to see the daylight of the night. Rather, they long to see the dreams breaking on the horizon of my innermost thoughts and utmost wants.
         Enough for tonight. I need sleep.
         G'night!
                        Truthfully tired and forever dreaming,
                                                              __________________________ 

Anger.

         I'm going to rant this time. About EVERYTHING THAT BOTHERS ME. I don't know what else to write, so I'm going to go all out on this.
         I dislike when little kids are treated like royalty and they're the most annoying, bratty little kids on the face of the earth. I hate when people act all sweet and kind around you and then once you get to know them, they're the most disgusting person you've ever met. I hate when someone gets really close to you only to stab you in the back and leave you for dead. I hate when people judge me because of the way I dress, or laugh, or do anything that I do. I hate being shut out by close friends because someone is rotting inside from telling lies and rumors about me. I hate being hurt by people I love and will always love, despite how much I want to hate them.
         I can't stand it when my friends are picked off like so many insects because they hang out with me, or because of how they walk and talk, or simply because of how they look. I wish I could live without everyone hurting those people who are different from the rest. I wish that people could see the difference between love and lust. I wish that society today could take the film off their eyes and realize that the world around them is crumbling and that we need to make a difference.
         I understand people may not share the same views as me, but I've said I hate what people do and what they say and such, but I can't say I hate anyone. No matter how hard I may try, I just can't hate a PERSON.
         Sigh. Alright.
                                         Deflated anger.
                                                                                I feel better.
 

Crazed family eating Cheetos.

         So right now, I'm in little Pearsall, TX and I've noticed my family's gone completely insane. I over-hear my cousins arguing about zombies and whether they run fast or slow (they run slow, by the way). I also see that my grandparents found a turtle and have it in the backyard along with 2 dogs, a pond full of fish, and an oversized cat. My cousin also has a baby whale (oversized beta fish). Oh, the joys of being in America.
         My family's so peculiar. I guess that's why people like my family so much. I think they like them because they just haven't seen them in their natural habitat. My dad is a blacksmith, married to a nurse (match made in clumsy heaven). I am a clumsy little chickee who needs glasses and looks horrible in a bun. My cousin dresses like a spastic beautician and IS a spastic beautician. My other cousin is engaged to a childhood friend and loves his meat and potatoes a little TOO much (kind of round, but it's cool). Lastly, my dog has gotten to be twice the size of what she used to be- she's my fat little sausage.
         I don't really know where else to go with this post. I'm drawing some new pictures and I'll be posting them soon. One is a dog (if Raze is reading this, it's your dog), another is a sweet picture of amazing-ness (it's actually one of my favorites), and some other picture, but I don't know which one yet. Y'know what I've also noticed? Cheetos.
         Cheetos are so...........weird. I mean, they're unnatural and so oddly shaped. It's covered with artificial cheese and it tastes so funky, not to mention the gross texture. The weird thing is that I used to love Cheetos. I ate them ALL THE TIME as a little kid. I don't know what happened, but they're just so gross now.
         I guess this is kind of a short post. It's the shortest post I've ever written. There wasn't really a point to this post, was there? Oh well. It's cool. Anyhow......... Yeah.
                                                        Yours truly,
                                                                      _________________ 

OCD Hipster

         I feel like such a hipster today. I went to starbucks to get my iced frappuccino. After that, I made my mind up that when I get home, I'd blog. Then I'd check on my photos on my iPod. All the while, I walked wearing some Birkenstock sandals, a tank top underneath my button up shirt (only buttoned up halfway), cargo pants, a satchel hitting my side, and my hair down and flowing in the wind. Such a hipster moment. The thing is, I didn't realize it was totally hipster until I said it aloud and got out of my car. 
         Anyways, I was talking to my friend the other day and we got onto the subject of "My Little Pony." I told her how amazing I thought it was (which it is, by the way- you should all watch it) and we started talking about our favorite characters. It then came to our minds to figure out who we were as the ponies. She said I was like Twilight Sparkle- the one who reads and studies all the time, never makes new friends unless her other friends introduce them, and has her best friend with her all the time and has to get them out of trouble. When I finally analyzed all of this, I came to a realization- I'm Twilight. Completely and utterly. It's so weird that I end up being all the main, OCD, studious characters, but I guess it makes sense. I took a quiz about which Nightmare Before Christmas character I was for fun- I was Jack. I'm Twilight Sparkles. Apparently, I look and act like Velma Dinkley from Scooby Doo. I end up being all of those characters.
         Lately, I've noticed that I've been a little more spastic than usual. I don't know if it's because summer's only 3 days away, or because of my life going pretty well of late, or because I just am. I honestly don't know, but what can a girl do? It's odd, really- all my years in school, I looked forward to summer vacation, but this year, I'm kinda looking forward to it, but not really. I don't wanna leave my friends, but I wanna go to South Padre Island. I don't want a friend of mine to move to North Carolina, but I want my cousin to move in already. I don't want another friend to be in Puerto Rico for 2 months, but I want to have someone to always facetime with. I don't want my friends going to different campuses, but I'm ready to reboot my reputation. I'm a little torn, but I know there's nothing I can do. Everything has it's pros and cons, but I know I'll never be able to even them out. It's cool, though- I know I'll live. I just don't know what the difficulty of my life will be after this summer. I'm sure it'll still be relatively easy, but I just don't want certain people to leave. I only don't want them to leave because I have a fear of them forgetting me. I don't want to be forgotten- I don't want to be alone- I'm just a bit insecure about that whole thing.
         Any time I'm alone and not doing anything, I find myself hounded with past mistakes, past conversations, past heartbreaks, what I should've done, could've done, didn't do. I find that I become a graveyard for my past and a burnt map about my future. I become something that I never wanted to be- a lonely girl, stuck thinking about how I should've been more understanding, how I could've been a better friend, how I need to change everything. I need friends- I need something to do- I need. I need to
always
do
something.
         I guess I figured out how I always end up being those characters. On the Jack Skellington quiz, it said that i was "very curious and persistent. You obsess over some things and once something gets into you head, you can't let it go. You like to be alone, but are social sometimes too. You are a leader and not a follower and don't think things through sometimes. You are the main character."  I know I normally don't think about it, but this description is pretty spot on. It's odd, really- I know it in my heart that anyone reading this post will think I'm the weirdest person in the universe. I don't mind, but I just think that I will end up causing many arguements in my many posts.
Sigh.
I love causing mischief. >:D

Switching campuses

It's a Wednesday.
May 5th.
I'm not looking forward to changing schools for next year.
So many of my friends (close friends) are going to completely different schools than me. Some friends aren't, of course, and I thank heaven that they aren't. But the ones that are hit close to home. I've never made so many friends that I can just be my frumpy-old self around, and next semester is taking away a good chunk of that joy I felt. What can I do? Nothing.
That's really what hurts the most.
I'm not able to change anything, for better or worse. My friend is moving to Austin, another may be moving back to Puerto Rico, another is in Tennessee, and many are going to specialized campuses. It's not that I'm not happy for them- I am! I just wish my school had all the things they love so we'd stay together.
Too many dreams, though.
Other than that, life's ok. I'm about to eat sun chips. Going to Orange Leaf on friday with a friend. I have a concert on Saturday. And I recently bought Fun.'s albums. So I guess, if you exclude that rant on school switching, life's amazing! And I guess I'll still have a large group of friends at my new campus, so I'm sure I'll be able to bear it.
Right?

Awkward conversations, nicknames, etc.

             Not to disappoint you, but today I'm not going to post a picture. Honestly, today I just want to write. Write about junk. About stupid things that probably don't mean anything. About how socially awkward I am over the phone.  About those weird silences you have between one of your best friends when you realize you have nothing to say or hear- you just stand there. About lord of the rings. About life, essentially. What can I say?
             So I called a friend of mine today for some science stuff I needed and, needless to say, I was awkward. Here's how it kind of went down.
             *Phone starts to ring- I get all spazzy. Phone rings again- I get even more spastic.*
             *Friend answers* "Hello?"
             *I go all out and stumble over my words like I do when I call a family member I haven't talked to for months* "Heeeeeeeeyyyy...!"
              "Hey."
              "So......It seems that I've misplaced my science guidelines and I was wondering if you have them..."
              "Oh, so, do you have Mrs. Kind (I have to come up with pseudo names)?"
              *I give a dazed look at my wall as he finally come to realization that I have the class before him* "Oh wait, you have Mrs. Evil- oh yeah."
               *I start laughing with him* "Yeah I have her just like you." Kinda why I called you, I thought.
               "Right, well, why don't I just take pictures of them and then send them to you?"
               *I stop looking for a pen and a notebook* "........yeah, that's a good idea."
               "Ok, on your phone or iPod?"
               "iPod would be great." I sound like a goober ordering in a resturant!!!! What the fudge-ing freakin' fudge is wrong with me?!?!?!? 
               "Ok, so I-"
               "Yeah so I- oh sorry..."
               "No, it's fine you go ahead."
               "Oh, well, so, do you wanna talk 'cause i meanconversationsaregreat and y'knowitwouldbeok....."
               "I'm kinda watching a movie right now......"
               "Oh, gosh, uh, well, yeah.......you should probably go."
               *Awkward laughter is shared over the phone, awkward goodbyes, and a phone slammed into my forehead while I quietly think and say "OhgoshughI'msuchanidiotwhydidn'tIjustcallsomeoneelseisn'titonline?!?!? UGH!!!!"*
               Y'know what's even more horrible about this? I just went online to my school website and when I went to my teachers, the rubric I needed was there. I just printed it out. I just received a face palm.
               In the background, while I'm typing this (about to dork out here :D), the backstage documentary of lord of the rings is playing. This is one of the few documentaries I really enjoy listening to. I've heard knife-making videos, 3-D movie backstage junk, all sorts of boring things, but this documentary is the one that I will actually stop, sit, watch, and LISTEN to. I love it- one of the reasons is because of Dominic Monaghan. He plays Merry/Merri (I'm not quite sure how to spell his name) in all of the movies. There's actually a reason my username is Merri Skywalker.
              As you've probably all guessed, Merri Skywalker is not my real name. I have Merri as my first name because of a time some friends and I were watching Lord of the Rings and we all decided who we were in the fellowship- I was Merri. Skywalker is because in 5th grade (and today, honestly) I wanted everyone to call me Skywalker. My first name, if it were re-arranged, would spell Anakin, and it doesn't help that I'm a star wars junkie- I wanted all of my friends to call me Skywalker!!! I thought it was cool- heck, I still think it's cool!!!!
             I'm sorry that this post is just so long, but for some reason, a lot is going through my mind. School junk, friends, procrastinating, being an idiot. I mean, you only have one life, so why not just go all out and live your life??? I know too many people that are afraid to live out their life. Life is there to live and laugh and love- not to cower in a corner of desolation and despair. What can I say? I have so many stupid, crazy things I want to do before I die, I can't afford to live my life in fear.... :)

Some more pics!!!!

So again, I'm bored and I downloaded the blogger app on my phone, so now I'm able to post anywhere. Short post now though because I got some stuff I need to do. So the 1st picture is of Nate Ruess, the lead singer of fun. I LOVE the way he sings!!!! The 2nd pic is of my little chihuahua violet- she realy is the chunky. So....yeah!!! Hope you like them- please comment on what's good and bad!
                            The artist,
                                      __________________

My friends (5 and Raze) and the torn emotions

Hey hey hey again, fellow bloggers!!!! I figure "it's late- I'm bored- I still have stuff I need to do- why not blog?" And so here I am!!!! The second picture is of my friends 5 and Raze, sitting at a desk drawing (Raze is kneeling, not 5 years old). The first one I did just as a concept sketch (I love drawing people that look one way but feel another- it gives the picture more depth). What she's saying is "Words can't describe the way I feel!! If only you could perceive a glimpse of my emotion!!" She's saying this, I guess, with a smile to throw off suspicion when in reality, she's in more pain than ever before. I don't really know why I've been drawing things like this so much now- I guess I just kinda like it. I've always been the sort of person to contain all emotion and then, when I'm with a close friend, just go ballistic and explode. But I guess that's
just
the
way
I
am....
No changing that (for better or worse).
Yours truly,
____________